I wrote this during the Bush administration, to celebrate the annual pardon of two turkeys by the president. Six years later, two turkeys get pardoned, but is the pardoner still a bird with a tiny brain? It all depends on your political persuasion and reaction to the third line:
I just heard that two turkeys’ demise
Was avoided, to their great surprise.
The Big Turkey in power,
In the eleventh hour,
Gave them pardon, along with the pies.
There once was an ornery cuss,
Who was driving a yellow school bus,
But she flipped off George Bush,
Now she sits on her tush,
‘Cause she lost her job in all the fuss.
This refers to a Seattle-area school bus driver who was fired for flipping off George Bush’s motorcade this past June. OK, a bus driver is supposed to be a role model for students, so I can see a reprimand. But firing? That’s going too far.
I try to keep my limericks clean, but this one just came to me, unbidden, on June 13th. Four days later, I found myself surrounded by naked men and accompanying a parade float made up of bells (see “Wiggling and jiggling in the Fremont parade.”). All I can say is, I may be prescient. Watch this space for other clairvoyant limericks.
There once was a guy with a thing
Who just wanted to make a bell ring.
But the sound was all wrong,
The bell, it went “dong,”
And ya know, bells are s’posed to go “ding.”
There’s a fragile and tenuous link
Between chaos and order, I think.
It would be really wicked,
If the garbage men picket,
Causing chaos, disorder, and stink.
Last night, Seattle barely averted a garbage strike. The Seattle Times ran a photo of union organizers after the ratification of the contract. They were gathering up the unused picket signs and getting ready to put them — where else? — in the garbage.
On the very first Thursday in May,
The government says we should pray.
But for those with no creed,
It’s a conflict, indeed,
So instead, let’s just oompah all day.
This year, May 4th is both the National Day of Prayer and National Tuba Day.
A bikini-clad Kiwi named Nelly
Decided to wrestle in jelly
“It’s Easter, I know,
But I just have to go,
If I win, I might be on the telly!”
For more on semi-nude jelly wrestling, see Candy is dandy, under Adventures.
There once was a man named DeLay
Who found, to his shock and dismay,
His aide was indicted,
The Dems were delighted,
And Republicans said, “GO AWAY!”
In his resignation announcement today, Tom DeLay said that “after many weeks of personal prayer,” he had decided to step down from Congress. See the LA Times article, Delay Announces Plan to End Career in Congress.
After I sent this out, Tom Lambert suggested a much better title: Wedding Belles!
Two gals who were feeling quite plucky
Drove north in their lesbian truckie.
But the Mass. judge said no,
And so home they did go,
Now they’re living in sin in Kentucky.
Massachussetts Court Limits Gay Unions – The New York Times, March 31, 2006.
“So hit me!” the president cried,
To the dealer who sat by his side.
“It won’t be that hard,
For me to dis-Card,
We’ll dump him for someone untried.”
Bush announces the resignation of his Chief of Staff, Andrew Card.
There once was a team called the ‘hawks
Who said, “The twelfth man really rocks,
Let’s show our home town
That we can get down
And knock off the NFL’s socks.”
The twelfth man refers to Seattle Seahawks fans. They make so much noise at games, it distracts the other team and is like having a 12th man on the field for our team. The Seahawks team is 30 years old, but February 5, 2006 will be their first-ever Superbowl.